L< 3 ve

blogsecret:

Everything i know about you is a lie, you cold hearted evil person. You completely destroyed me, and there is nothing you can do to take this pain away. Cheater.

Oh man can I relate to this one

ever girl thinks shes cinderella. the one special girl that can change a mans world. i guess we all are cynical in our own genius ways. years ago, i believed that marriage was a happy ever after story. that that one special guy would come sweep me off my feet. that i would have a home decored in beautiful colors, drapes, and furniture. that i would come home every day to a man that was eager to know what my day was like. we would ignore the rest of the world, because our home was enough to worry about.

well, let me tell you what reality is about.

i’ve been married for a year now, and within the last 365 days i have been cheated on four times with four different woman. Each one believing she was the next one to become cinderella. Each one believing that he was prince charming coming to her rescue. Each one knowing about me- and not caring.

it’s been a month now since i’ve figured this out, and within the month i’ve heard newspaper word cut outs. Nothing but broken promises. “Ill change, i wont ever do this again..” ” I was mad at you i’m sorry lets work it out”

well.. if you ask me what he is doing now.. he’s in the living room. Browsing through his phone, sitting on the couch.

theres a website called okcupid.com where hopeless romantics sign up in hopes to meet there one and only.

well guess whos on that website courting woman right now? He is.. and each one of these girls thinks she is the one and only cinderella… eagerly waiting for his rescue.

Here I an making myself sick for a man that can’t love me.. Meanwhile people are struggling to b healthy.

change.

i was the biggest punk you’d probably ever meet. Change was not my friend, and never played on my field. Ive been somewhat of a scatter brain for the past months, maybe year. Hell, I lost myself deeply in the depths of solitude and confusion. I should probably correct myself- Alone, i have not been, but it has been a tough road to drive on. I’d at times have dreams of going off the road, swearving onto the opposite side of the road. I hated change. Man, i hated the slap reality gave me every so often and for me the best thing was to hide from it. 

I had to fall hard, to realize that climbing up was even harder but more promising. I dont like knowing things don’t go the way I PLAN. i dont like knowing things, people, and places change on me, rather than them waiting on my watch to say- OK, TAKE YOUR COURSE ON THIS LONG ROAD. 

It’s taken me, me- to realize things don’t always have to be so mundane, and ordinar and that people will change and life will continue it’s course. Some people with you and others without you. But along the curvy road their’s people that will hop on for the ride, and it may only be a couple of miles til you realize their purpose in your life, has served it’s cause. 

The thought of change now turns me on. It’s like something i think of every night as I prepare to go to sleep. I’m fucking thrilled. My job is my baby, because with it i will succeed i will become the woman i strive to be. and for the moment being i’m happy, probably happier than i have been in a long time. I’ve come to acceptance with the ways of life- and i’m so ready to live it!